Well not really. I actually hate the "Friday" song. It is just flat out annoying. But, I do love Fridays. That is the big day this week. On Thursday morning I go in for the HCG trigger shot. The nurse actually asked if I wanted to have a family member give it to me at home. The answer to that is a big no thanks because I don't quite see giving one of my family members a needle and letting them stick me with it. Nope, I'm getting it done by a professional. Then on Friday we do the IUI. I was practically skipping as I left the doctor's office. It's really here and I'm really doing this.
Of course to some extent this experience is a bit bittersweet. I know what I want and I know that this is the right choice for me but the traditional part of me rebels at the idea of doing this. It's not how I wanted it to happen and honestly, in my heart, I don't think it is the way it should happen. It is far too clinical to look at a catlog of character traits, order a donor sample over the internet and then go to the doctor to make a baby. It just isn't how I wanted this to happen. I wanted the whole picture. . . marriage to a wonderful man and then a family. Then age 40 came along and I realized that even though the marriage part might still be on the horizon, at some point the baby part might be outside my reach unless I take charge. I have to confess though that even though I'm certain of my decision, my heart still aches a bit at the idea that I won't be giving my child a father. The picture of mom and dad and baby together is what has been holding me back all these years. It is hard to let that go and step out on faith on this journey alone.
But here I am . . a little bit sad but overwhelmingly excited. Just four more days and I could have a baby on the way. Pink or blue? That may be the next big decision I have to make.
No comments:
Post a Comment